GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Angels and demons have quietly entered into peace talks, thanks to Senator John McCain!
“Just a decade ago, a peace pact between Heaven and Hell would have been unthinkable,” says Presidential nominee Senator McCain. “But in this era, we’ve seen many implacable foes, like Democrats and Republicans, sit down at the bargaining table to settle their differences.
“Of course, this won’t be a cakewalk. The two camps remain miles apart on many issues – and there’s a lot of bad blood and distrust. But I have a lot of experience with that,” he explained.
Preliminary talks got underway six weeks ago between Earthly representatives of the two sides – with negotiators from the Catholic Church sitting opposite agents of the International Church of Lucifer.
“These meetings paved the way for bargaining sessions between heavenly seraphim and second-tier demons, in which key points of the peace plan have been hammered out,” a source revealed.
“But when the first ‘sit-down’ between the Archangel Michael and Satan’s chief lieutenant Beelzebub could not be negotiated, we had to call in the big guns.”
Senator McCain, well known for his bipartisan work in the Senate, was able to get the talks going again. “I mean, if I can reach across the aisle to Democrats, reaching out to demons couldn’t be all that bad,” he laughed.
“There’s certainly been a lot of haggling,” Senator McCain revealed. “Both teams have been trying to sneak loopholes into the document.
“This is truly a case where the Devil is in the details.”
Senator McCain’s supernatural support has been growing. If these negotiations go through, he will have not only the afterlife representatives, but fellow cyborgs and some alien races. However, Senator Barack Obama has garnered the favor of highly influential mutants and extraterrestrials.
Which contingency will be the most influential on November 4th?