SVALBARD, NORWAY – Cindy McCain will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.
Longstanding rumors allege Mrs. McCain has difficulties remaining for long periods of time in the hot temperatures of Arizona and Washington DC’s summer seasons.
Mrs. McCain, heiress to an American beer fortune, is also the Queen of Svalbard, the northernmost province of Norway. Although the archipelago is technically part of Norway, the Norwegian government leaves all authority over the province to Mrs. McCain.
“We have treaties and we have an armistice line. We don’t cross and thank heavens those creatures don’t cross either,” Morten Wetland, Norway’s Permanent Representative to the United Nations said through a translator.
The creatures that Wetland refers to, in addition to Mrs. McCain herself, include The United Tribes of the Three Polar Bear Legions as well as the Worg Enclave and the Sasquatch Nation.
While under McCain’s despotic rule, peace has been achieved among the bears, wolves and sasquatches. In Wetland’s own words, “Thank the heavens the Ice Witch does not turn her icy glare south. ”
Should Senator McCain lose his bid for the presidency, it is feared that Mrs. McCain will mobilize her minions from the ice kingdom to wage a war of revenge against America and her allies.
Stay tuned for updates as they become available.