WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.
Accompanied by her spiritual advisor, Pastor Muthee, Palin will canvass her hometown of Wasilla for witches. Muthee is famous for reducing crime in Kenya by ridding towns of the witches following the teachings of Satan.
Palin and Muthee believe that Wasilla, given the unflattering nickname “The Meth Capitol of Alaska,” is a prime target for a witch hunt.
“There has been a lot of talk lately about patriotism. Nothing is less patriotic than Satan,” the Governor’s husband Todd told reporters outside of Speedy Donuts after a recent campaign stop in suburban Ohio.
“On Columbus Day, Sarah is going to do her patriotic duty of hunting down the witches that are defiling Wasilla with their vile practices. What better way to spend America’s birthday than on a good old fashioned, Salem-style witch hunt?”
Responding to a question on if she thought killing witches was her patriotic duty, Governor Palin said, “Doggonit, you betcha!”
Asked if she believed Columbus Day, rather than Independence Day, marked America’s birthday, the Governor replied, “In what way, Charlie?”