NEW YORK – NFL Players are threatening to go on a crime spree if NFL owners don’t put an end to the lockout.
Ray Lewis, the Baltimore Ravens star linebacker, told reporters yesterday that if the NFL lockout continues, ,crime will increase because the NFL players will need an outlet for their aggressive talents.
Lewis said, “Watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game.” He said that the Players were talking about what kind of robberies and assaults they would be committing. “There’s too many people who live through us, who want to see us hit people, knock them down,” he said. “We will walk in the streets, looking for trouble and when we look for trouble, we will find trouble. You better believe it.”
Tom Brady agreed. He told reporters that he planned on practicing throwing a brick through store windows from over eighty yards away. “I can toss a brick just as far, if not farther, than a football.”
The players feel that NFL fans will join them in the crime spree. They think that too many men will have too much time on their hands and when that happens, crime usually follows.
Tim Tebow, the Denver Broncos quarterback, said that he plans on smashing some trucks with his bare hands. When asked if destroying property conflicted with his Christian faith Tebow said, “God wants us to play football, and if we are not playing football, God wants us to do anything we can to get us back to playing football. So, if I have to destroy a semi-trailer full of donuts, I will.”
Roger Goodell, the President of the NFL, had no comment. Neither did his body guard.