CALL TO BAN TOTE BAGS

NEW YORK – Mayor Michael Bloomberg is banning the sale and giveaway of tote bags in New York City.

At a press conference at City Hall this afternoon, Mayor Bloomberg explained, “For years, the problem was regular plastic bags from grocery stores and bodegas. They were littering our streets, filling our landfills. We started a mandatory recycling program at stores and implemented a 5-cent refund for customers. We’ve had great success in those measures.”
He continued, “I could have never anticipated the tote bag craze, but now businesses are giving away or selling them for next to nothing. And I mean everyone from Trader Joe’s to The New Yorker to Carnival Cruise Lines to the public schools. Have you walked down the street lately? There are billboards everywhere, but they’re on sustainable, organic canvas. It’s an epidemic. What happened to mugs and magnets?”

Bloomberg is said to have support from several NYC council members, as well as the NYC Department of Sanitation.
“I still support the BYO Bag initiative. I just want to put a stop to the new wave of bags, particularly the free with subscription or purchase bags. Not to mention, we want to nip this thing in the bud before election season. Can you imagine? What savvy politician isn’t going to distribute tote bags to his or her constituents and supporters? It’s got to stop, and before the ‘Keep the Change’ bags of 2012 are available.”
Marcia Kleinfeld, who watched on as Bloomberg explained his position, agrees with the mayor. “I moved to New York so I could be nameless. These tote bags are labels. And I’m tired of being labeled. Of course, I wanted to do good by the environment. But I miss the anonymous, throw-away plastic bag days.”
No word on how Bloomberg’s proposed ban will impact ticket sales for American Beauty 2: Tote Bag in the Tree which is set to be released this November, just in time for the holidays and Oscar nomination season.