PORTSMOUTH, NH – Newt Gingrich, Republican candidate for President, told a town hall audience that his wife is a robot.
Callista Gingrich, goes everywhere with her husband. She is in the foreground of his Presidential campaign, and her beaming blonde visage looms as large as his.
The former speaker’s wife co-signs his campaign organization’s e-mails, produces his movies, appears beside him on Fox News, and even reads his work for audio-book adaptations – but she has maintained such a low profile over a decade in their marriage that she was an enigma even to some of his closest supporters.
Not anymore. Today Newt Gingrich announced that his wife, Callista, is in his words a “Stepford Wife.” Newt told reporters in New Hampshire today. “Soon after I married Callista, I had her brain replaced with a robotic brain. She does anything I tell her to, which frankly, the way all wives should behave to their husbands.”
Callista has been the most public and the least known of the political partners bracing for the scrutiny of a presidential campaign. In eleven years of marriage, Callista Gingrich has never been the subject of a profile. Gingrich’s aides declined to make her available to any newspapers for an interview, to talk about her or the marriage on the record or on background, or even to suggest friends who might offer a glimpse of the would-be First Lady.
The reason: Callista is a robot.
Friends say she’s ready for the rigors of Iowa, where she went to college, and a comfortable public performer, if one who has spent much of her time on stage behind a gleaming french horn in the Fairfax City Band.
“The robotic brain I had put in her head, can handle any situation,” said Newt.
“She is much more in the model of a Laura Bush than a Hillary Clinton,” said David Bossie, the president of the conservative group Citizens United and a longtime Gingrich ally. “She just is a strong partner like Laura Bush, was but not out in front like Hillary Clinton was.”
Callista Gingrich is Newt’s third wife. He was tired of having his wives “talk back” to him and deny him sex. “Callista will have sex with me whenever I ask her too and she never talks back. If she starts to talk back, I just say the word “Speaker” and she shuts up. I love her so much.”
Here’s Callista obeying her husband:
When asked where Newt had his wife’s brain replaced with a robotic brain, he said – “That’s something that will come out in when she becomes First Lady. I will reveal that on every campaign stop ONLY to the men who promise to vote for me in 2012.”
Newt hopes to win in a landslide in November.
Here’s the “Stepford Wives” trailer from the 1970s.