LONDON – Just five days into her marriage with Prince William – Kate Middleton announced that she is pregnant!

Kate Middleton is pregnant with Prince William’s first child.   The announcement was made by Kate with her friend Victoria Beckham standing at her side.

Beckham reportedly encouraged Kate to have a baby as soon as possible because “it is   one of the best things in the world.”

Royal insiders believed that Kate would get pregnant within the first year of her marriage to Prince William, but everyone was surprised at how fast it happened.

“Prince William and Princess Kate spent over fifteen hours in the Royal Wedding Suite,” said Royal butler, Thomas Hillstrom.  “They spent quite a lot of time ‘enjoying’ each other’s company.”

Many in England are now speculating that Kate was pregnant at the time of the wedding, but Royal gynecologist, Dr. Fritz Barnwell, said “Kate was not pregnant last Friday, the Queen had us test her to ensure that she was without child.  But today, at Prince William’s request, we performed advanced pregnancy tests on Kate and we can confirm, decidedly, that she is five days pregnant.”

Queen Elizabeth is thrilled to learn that she will have her first great-grandchild.  Prince Charles, however, is not so happy.  “What’s the point of having a baby, when the world is about to burn up.  We must all stop using fossil fuels, we must kill all the cows, and we must plant as many trees as possible,” Prince Charles said before getting onto his private jet in Los Angeles with twenty-five members of his staff.

Princess Kate said that she and Prince William will continue to enjoy each other’s “company” in the Royal Wedding Suite, even though she has already made Her Majesty happy with her pregnancy.  “Prince William is a Royal stud. That’s all I can say.”

The happy couple has not been seen for the last ten hours – but there’s been a lot of moaning coming from the Royal Suite.