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ROYAL WEDDING MERCHANDISE


Here’s some Royal Wedding swag – for purchase!

Royal Couple Condoms:

Now there’s a way to commemorate the royal wedding and keep your crownjewels safe at the same time. British manufacturer Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction launched their royal wedding collector’s edition condoms to celebrate the April 29 marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince William. Along with the special condoms, the box comes with a pastel souvenir portrait of what the couple might look like on their wedding day.

“Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction promises a royal union of pleasure and style,” the release said.

Royal Wedding Fridge:

Looking for a new fridge? Your search is over as we’ve found the most perfect fridge ever manufactured by man. Behold, the Royal Wedding Fridge and freezer, which is sold by GDHA, a U.K. distributor of GE appliances, features the more casual of the two official engagement pictures taken by photographer Mario Testino. The refrigerator is 5′9″, which means you’d almost be looking at life-size versions of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Yes. Nothing says “cold” and “sterile” like Will and Kate’s unyielding love for each other.

Royal Wedding Beer:

Nottingham’s Castle Rock Brewery originally planned to issue a limited stock of its royal wedding inspired Kiss Me Kate real ale. But worldwide press interest spurred soaring demand and supermarket chain Morrisons has ordered 70,000 bottles. We’ll drink to that!

Royal Couple Teabags:

It’s supposed to be us Brits who are the great tea drinkers, but a German company has really cornered the market with these Kate and Wills tea bags which hang on to the rim of your cuppa. The bags, affectionately named ‘KaTea’, contain German-grown black tea and are available as a pair within a greeting card.

Royal Couple Toilet Seat:

Let’s discuss the many ways in which this is a bad idea. While the word “throne” is often used as a term for toilets, there is something distinctly unroyal about them. It’s probably that you sh*t in them. That’s probably the unroyal thing about them — the sh*t. So, that’s issue #1.

Now, issue #2. Is it that hard to draw Prince William and Kate Middleton? Why does the artistic likeness of them look anything like them? What is that? Just trace a magazine cover, for God’s sake.

Royal Wedding Lego Recreation:

While we’ve been busy wondering what the royal wedding will look like down to the last detail, the fine folks at Legoland built the entire thing — from Buckingham Palace to Kate Middleton’s gown (and gloves) to guests including pregnant Victoria Beckham, Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney. The exhibition opened at Legoland’s Windsor outpost on April 1.

Kate Middleton Doll: