GERMANY – Knut the cute polar bear – is dead. Killed by aliens.
Knut the cute polar bear who went on public display for the first time at Berlin Zoo in March 2007 when he was a one-year-old has died. He was won over the hearts around the world with his innocent eyes staring out at the strange, unnatural world of his captivity.
He’s dead. Knut was found lying face down dead in the pool. Zoologists are not sure what the cause of death, but they suspect heart failure. But WWN learned that aliens killed Knut.
Knut’s life incorporated a multi-million-euro industry in Knut paraphernalia, a court battle over his ownership, calls for his death, and then for his castration, and an ongoing debate about the ethics of keeping big wild animals in confinement.
Knut died on Saturday afternoon at the age of four. In the wild he could have expected to live to 15 or 20, while captive polar bears are known to be capable of living twice that long, being freed from the constraints of hunger and the bitter Arctic climate.
John Malley, the leading expert on the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials examined the body of Knut and said that Knut had The Mark of the Alien on his paws. “Knut was clearly killed by an alien from Planet Zeeba.”
Knut flourished and was the first polar bear to be born and survive in the Berlin Zoo for more than 30 years. The cub appeared with Leonardo DiCaprio on the cover of Vanity Fair, courtesy of the photographer Annie Leibovitz. The German National Mint produced 25,000 silver coins in his honour, and his image appear on postage stamps and countless items of memorabilia.
Knut’s celebrity status was helped no doubt by his photogenic qualities but also by the public outcry that followed comments allegedly made by a German animal activist who had dared to suggest that Knut should have been put down rather than forced to live the degrading life of a domestic pet. Children stormed Berlin Zoo, holding up placards reading “Knut Must Live” and “We Love Knut”.
Malley said that he expects aliens to kill more polar bears that are being held in captivity. “Aliens do not approve of animals being held captive for the sole purpose of entertaining human beings. They are going to free the animals or kill them.”