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U.S. BAILS OUT FACEBOOK!


WASHINGTON – With March 15th approaching and the threat of Facebook shutting down, the U.S. decided to bailout Facebook!

Facebook, the world’s largest and most popular networking site, came close to collapse in early January after owner Mark Zuckerberg announced he would be shutting it down on March 15th due to “escalating personal stress.”

Almost immediately after WWN broke the news, Zuckerberg made a public announcement denying the story, calling it a hoax.  However, WWN repeatedly confirmed with Facebook insiders that Zuckerberg planned on pulling the plug on Facebook.

Several insiders told WWN that Zuckerberg publicly denied the story because he was being pressured by Goldman Sachs to keep the site live.

“Mark was conflicted.  He felt overwhelmed by the growth of Facebook and wanted to move onto a smaller project,  but he felt an obligation to Goldman Sachs and other investors,” Avrat Humarthi, Facebook CFO told WWN.”

That’s when the government stepped in.

President Obama, who doesn’t want his daughters to use Facebook, knows that Facebook is a critical part of American life and told his cabinet and staff to keep it alive, “no matter what it takes.”

President Obama announced his plan to bail out Facebook Friday night. He said he got the idea for the bailout after one of his secretaries asked him to sign the PLEASE DO NOT SHUTDOWN FACEBOOK! petition.

The petition, which has garnered support from over 55,000 Facebook users, was signed by all 535 members of the Congress, as well as President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden.

Under the Facebook bailout package, the government will become the majority shareholders of Facebook, and will spend as much as $250 billion on revitalizing the website’s security settings. It also plans to spend up to $22.5 billion on finally installing a “dislike” option for pictures, wall posts, and status updates.

“With this bailout, the government can finally restore America’s faith in social networking,” said President Obama, during a press conference Monday night. “No longer can we think of ourselves as conservatives or liberals, red staters or blue staters. In this new era of social networking, we are all equals. Through Facebook, we are united as one.”

The US Government encourages all Facebook users to remember that starting September  1, 2011, the   website must be accessed through its new web address: www.facebook.gov.