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SUPERMOON!

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On June 23, 2013 the world will change as we know it.

The moon will be passing by for its closest visit in the past 790 years. Not only will the moon be passing by at a range of just under 225,000 miles but it will also be full.

Richard Nolle, certified professional astronomer and webmaster of astropro.com, is warning the masses that will be a SuperMoon risk window for the entire planet.

Nolle warns that during the SuperMoon risk window the world should expect several magnitude 5+ earthquakes, countless tsunamis, constant volcanic eruptions and werewolves to run wild. Nolle has teamed up with leading expert on the paranormal and supernatural, Rosemay Ellen Guiley in order to discover the connection between the SuperMoon and werewolves.

“Since the moon will be so close to earth, many new werewolves will come to life as the proximity of the moon to the earth affects the transformation of many werewolves,” explained Guiley, “Some werewolves never morph due to the normal distance between the earth and the moon. But the distance during this SuperMoon is of great concern.”

Twilight fans are pooping their pants with excitement over the sheer possibility that they might catch a glimpse of Jacob Black.

“Jacob is so hot!!,” said Giselle Ramirez, a teenage Hawaiian resident, “I don’t care if lava is coming right at me. If there is a chance that I can see Jacob, I’ll let my feet burn off.”

Some scientists believe that the recent volcanic eruptions in Hawaii are a result of the moon gradually passing by closer and closer leading up to the SuperMoon risk window. Nolle explains that this activity is a result of the lesser SuperMoon risk window that is currently taking place. There is grave concern for the well being of the inhabitants of Hawaii as the SuperMoon approaches. As a preventative measure, the U.S. is now initiating mandatory evacuation procedures for all of the Hawaiian Islands in order to prevent a catastrophe. A voluntary evacuation will be put into effect for southern California starting Wednesday of next week.

After you read this article you should immediately run to your closest supermarket and buy all the canned food, bottled water, batteries and silver bullets that you can get your hands on. This is going to be an apocalypse and it is a going to be a wolf dog eat wolf dog world so be prepared for the worst.