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STATUE OF LIBERTY SHUTDOWN


NEW YORK, NY – Statue of Liberty to be shut down due to lack of interest.

The talk of a U.S. government shutdown has been all the buzz in the media as of late. Many proposals have been presented to help cut costs within the land of the free and the home of the brave. These proposals include: cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, no longer allowing the Pentagon to sponsor NASCAR (that’s right the Pentagon sponsors NASCAR!), and even shutting down government run landmarks such as the Statue of Liberty. How the government could even consider shutting down one of the most iconic landmarks in the country in an attempt to save a few bucks is paramount to unconscionable.

And it seemed as though the closure of Lady Liberty was no longer on the table as the Senate finally approved a measure that would continue to fund the government beyond the March 4 deadline. However, due to the fact that the option of shutting down the landmark was under consideration, government officials were required to review all of the financial books for every federally operated landmark in the country in order to determine which one would be cut first in the event of a government shutdown. Through analyzing the books, it was discovered that the attendance to the Statue was virtually nonexistent.

“No one is coming to visit,” said a parks ranger at Liberty Island, “Word has finally gotten around that in order to get to the crown you have to climb 345 steps (22 stories) only to be quickly edged out by the next bunch of angry patriots awaiting their 60 seconds in the crown.”

The lack of attendance has been attributed to the fact that New Yorkers just don’t care about her, tourists are afraid that she will be the target of the next major terrorist attack, and a general lack of interest.

“I’m content seeing her from the Staten Island Ferry,” said James Freedman, a tourist visiting from Walla Walla, Washington, “Plus the ferry is free. Everything is so expensive in New York City. The statue was one expense that I could live without on this year’s vacation.”

The Statue has simply seemed to have lost her allure. Americans think that she no longer represents the country. Most feel that an iPad or an iPhone are a better representation of what America stands for at this point. Many immigrants even confess that they do not know why the statue exists and that they would much prefer any Apple products, even an iPod shuffle, over a visit to Lady Liberty.

The U.S. government has yet to release the exact date of closure but sources say that it will be closed for business by the end of this year. So if you have not yet visited this iconic U.S. landmark and are one of the few that even cares, you might want to hurry up, before it is too late.