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U.S. BANS CONTRACEPTION


WASHINGTON –  A phenomenon known as natural decrease is becoming a pseudo pandemic within the U.S.

Natural decrease is when a region experiences more deaths than births causing the population to slowly decline. Currently, 1 in 4 U.S. counties is experiencing this phenomenon and the number of counties affected is rising at an alarming rate. If measures are not taken soon, the United States of America will simply cease to exist.

A report on this topic by Kenneth Johnson, a sociology professor and demographer at the University of New Hampshire’s Carsey Institute, was recently brought to the attention of Congress. The report cited that extreme actions are required to combat this widespread happening. In addition, it stated that if no action is taken, the economic crisis that the U.S. is currently facing will exponentially amplify causing the nation to become an impoverished war-torn state where adults kill babies for food, further worsening the situation.

Congress determined that the best way to combat natural decrease is to enforce a 21st century baby boom on all U.S. citizens. In order to create the new boom, Congress has put forth a bill that will ban the sale and use of any contraception in the U.S. until 2024. Some forms of banned contraception included in the bill are: condoms, RU486 (the morning after pill), oral contraceptive birth control (the pill), diaphragms, IUD (intrauterine devices), and early withdrawal. It is still unclear exactly how Congress plans to enforce the ban on the last method.

The logic behind the bill is rooted in the basic principle that the more people who you have in a workforce the more tax revenue you will generate.

Talk of a nation burdened with years of sleepless nights and the landfills overflowing with dirty diapers and forgotten toys was rampant on the floor of the House last week. But in the end, everyone, for once, agreed that this bill would not only help the struggling economy but also resolve concerns that Medicaid and Medicare would run dry.

Advocates of the pornography industry are infuriated by the news sending the industry into a frenzy making plans to leave the U.S. to set up new studios in Canada and Mexico.

“If this bill passes there is now way that we can continue to film in the U.S. unless we allow all of our stars to become pregnant and that just will not do. We are not all into making preggo films,” stated a top executive from the industry, “Not to mention that without the money shot, all of our films will tank.”

Due to the controversial nature of the bill, it will be included on the 2012 ballot allowing U.S. citizens to vote this bill into law. In the mean time cast your vote .