DETROIT, MI – As the stock market continues to tumble and oil prices jumping nearly 20 dollars a barrel in the last week, GM announces plans for new hybrid to run on renewable resources of Fairy Dust and Unicorn Tears.
Expected in Q3 of 2009, GM says they have been developing the technology for the past 5 years, but have waited to announce the revolutionary automobile until it was closer to becoming a reality. The yet to be named automobile is known internally as “Codename Twinkle.”
GM CEO Rick Wagoner told reporters at this morning’s press conference, “We’ve been working really closely with the Fairy and Unicorn community. We’re confident this new automobile will be a relief to consumers being drained at the pump as well as bringing Fairies and Unicorns back into the mainstream automobile market.”
Consumers might remember the short-lived sedan PD-30, short for Pixie Dust, 30 Miles produced by Ford in the early ’90s. The first Fairy Dust powered hybrid vehicle was a commercial success but quickly pulled from the market under pressure from Big Oil.
This is the first time Unicorn Tears will be utilized in a consumer automobile. The Teamsters have long been rumored to use a mixture of diesel and Unicorn Tears to fuel their trucks.
Wagoner commented, “Based on mythology, you wouldn’t think that Unicorn’s cry as much as they do. They have this reputation for prancing on rainbows all the time. But they are really sensitive, introspective creatures. They listen to a lot of The Cure and Bright Eyes.”
The timing of the announcement has been noted as extremely strategic, as GM sales were drastically declining in China.
“The Qilin, the Chinese equivalent of the Western unicorn, is revered as a sacred pet of the deities,” said an industry expert. “To drive a car associated with prosperity… Chinese consumers are going to buy them right up!”