SAN BERNARDINO – The McDonald’s Corporation announced its plans to expand the franchise into unchartered territory. They’re building a Mickey D’s on the moon!
James A. Skinner, the Chairman and CEO of McDonald’s said the lunar restaurant is scheduled to open in January, 2015. The company set aside a budget of $12.5 billion to complete the project. That’s nearly 6000 times what it costs to open a McDonald’s restaurant on Earth.
When asked about the restaurant’s moon clientele, Skinner said the burger joint will cater to all kinds of space travelers, human and non-human.
“We expect a few astronauts to stop by every now and then,” said Skinner, “but we think the majority of the customers will be aliens. There’s just something about our golden brown fries that aliens can’t resist.”
In order to better serve their alien clientele, the McDonald’s Corporation plans to release a new, “moon-only” dollar menu, which includes foods like Astro-Fries, Martian Nuggets, and a new sandwich, the Big Uranus.
Skinner said he wanted to open a restaurant on the moon because the company had “run out of space” on Earth.
“We already have too many McDonald’s on this planet,” said Skinner. “There’s one in every country and on every continent on the globe. It’s only right that we expand our franchise into outer space. It’s the last available real estate at this point.”
So far, extra-terrestrial reactions to the lunar Mickey D’s have been mixed. Some aliens can’t wait to wrap their tentacles around a hot and juicy Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
“I’ve been craving McDonalds ever since I left Roswell in 1951,” said Splivzack, an alien from the planet Zeeba. “My buddies and I used to dress up as humans and chow down on some Chicken McNuggets after every alien attack. Man, those were the days.”
Others say the restaurant would be an unwelcome commodity in outer space.
“Just because I’m an alien doesn’t mean I have to eat like junk,” said Bjor, a cave-dwelling Martian. “There’s enough transfat in one of those burgers to kill six Plutonians!”
Still, the McDonalds Corporation shows no signs of foregoing their plans to open the first restaurant on the moon.
“We’re going through with this no matter what,” said Skinner.
Higher-ups at McDonalds are currently seeking talented, friendly, and motivated Earthlings to staff and manage the new restaurant. Qualified personnel are encouraged to apply at their local McDonald’s restaurant.