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STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS


WASHINGTON – President Obama rallies America in his State of the Union Address.

President Obama gave a riveting State of the Union address this evening.  Much of the President’s focus was on the economy and job creation. He referenced many hard working Americans and created a pep rally of sorts in an attempt to energize the American people.

With the American economy growing at a sluggish rate and job development still less than anticipated, the President asked Congress and the American people to consider how they can “win the future”, referencing America’s originality and innovation throughout history.

Some Republican Senators took this the wrong way and immediately took out their Blackberries and iPhones and began making wagers at Poker.com.  While others tried to outsource their wager making to the interns in the back of the room, completely missing the mark on the President’s reference.

Continuing on the topic of the economy, the President referenced a need to reduce the deficit. He proposed a five-year freeze in discretionary spending and tens of billions of dollars in defense cuts. However, he promised that Social Security would be left alone until somebody could come up with a better solution.

It was noticed by several attendees and members of Congress that during the speech Timothy Geithner made a quick note to himself writing “buy Casio calculator watches for all of Treasury department… no reason for anyone to have discrepancies…yes!”

President Obama also spoke to the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, insuring the American public that “no American will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love”. This incited a rousing standing ovation from virtually everyone with the exception of three generals seated promptly in the front row, none of which stood nor clapped in response to the President’s remarks.

When the generals were asked after the speech why they chose not to stand or clap, the generals cited “old war injuries and bad knees”. As the generals were hurried off by their aides to avoid further questioning, the words “Fruit Loops” were heard from afar.

In Republican Senator Paul Ryan’s response to the speech he referenced the speedy recovery of Senator Giffords, the crushing debt that the country is enduring and that the next generation will inherit a stagnate economy but did not make any reference to online gambling, Casio calculator watches or Fruit Loops.