NUNAVUT — The Arctic Fence that protects North America from frigid temperatures and brutal winds has collapsed!
Arctic meteorologists have released a report that explains the record-breaking snowfall and below average temperatures experienced all along the Eastern seaboard this winter. The Arctic Fence, which once protected the cold weather and held it in its place, is gone.
Dr. Madeleine Akumalik, who led the study, explained.
“We’re shocked, really. We went out to check on the fence, which is a translucent geothermal wall. It basically retains the cold weather and keeps it in the north. Our fears were verified by the satellite imagery. Last winter, we could see the Arctic Fence from space. This year, there isn’t even a shadow or a crack where it used to be. The only explanation is that it has collapsed into the Arctic Ocean.”
Dr. Akumalik continued, “We knew it was warmer, but we didn’t know it would be warmer forever. Our whole way of life has to change. No more ice fishing, no more ice trucking, no more polar bear hunting.”
The report is sending shock waves throughout North America.
According to The Nunavut News, the Arctic Fence typically keeps the extremely cold air in places like northeastern Canada and Greenland. But scientists have determined that this “weather wall” lost its strength in early December and sent a winter’s worth of bone-chilling temperatures directly south.
In the mean time, warmer temperatures have pushed north. Throughout the Canadian Territories, and even north of the Arctic Circle, temperatures in December ran at least 20 degrees above normal. Ice fishing and trade routes have been seriously disrupted.  Eskimos are losing their igloos at an alarming rate!
In Iqaluit, the capital of Nunavut, the annual snowmobile parade had to be canceled. The locals are organizing and demanding action.
“We want our snow back!” cried Elisapie Aragutak during a demonstration in Iqaluit. “We need it! We depend on it! It’s not fair, America doesn’t even want the snow! We need the snow and the ice and the wind! Give it back!”
When asked for an explanation, Dr. Akumalik, one of the leading meteorologists in the Nunavut territory, further detailed this new weather reality.
“Ice reflects sunlight. We know that the Arctic has been losing ice for years. There is less ice so the Arctic Ocean is absorbing more heat in the summer. We’ve been getting stuck with warmer air.”
“This winter, our Canadian buffer zone, the protective layer known as the Arctic Fence, finally gave way and released all of the cold air behind its wall. This means it’s snowing in Boston and sunny on the Hudson Bay. It’s a drastic change for the territories, and for southern Canada and the States too. Nobody likes it. Especially not the polar bears.”
Does this mean Americans will all freeze to death? Maybe… just maybe.
just need to build a new fence, problem solved…now where did i put my tool box?
They should just call these guys and build the frickin' fence out of concrete – so we don't ahve to worry about it for ages!!!! http://www.artisanprecast.com.
It looks like that polar bear is biting that woman on the back.
IS the polar bitting the woman? Is this photoshopped? The polar fence is gone, what will this mean long term? I live in New York and our winter was brutal last year, you mean were going to get worse this year? We got hurricanes popping up left and right, one after another. What's next!!!?
Chester Bailey
Webmaster, http://www.bulbamerica.com/
"Light bulbs"
I like this blog post! The humor in it perked me up. The blog itself is catchy and intriguing. The collapse of the arctic fence calls for some action.
OMG, if this arctic fence collapsed meaning to say that the weather will get worst and worst each year. The root cause of this is the global warming so we should act together to stop the further destructions of our earth.
Lets be ready for the worst weather. Now that the Arctic Fence is gone, there's nothing to control the weather. Is the Arctic Fence replaceable? If it is, just build another one.