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BETTY WHITE ARRESTED


MALIBU, CA — Veteran television and film actress, Betty White, was arrested in L.A. for public lewdness.

Just days after her 89th birthday, veteran television and film actress, Betty White, was arrested by Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputies for public lewdness. The Sheriff’s Department received multiple calls Friday morning from residents and beachgoers with complaints of a semi-nude woman dancing at Point Dume State Beach. Deputies arrived at 10:40 a.m. to find the topless Ms. White practicing Tai Chi, surrounded by curious onlookers.

When approached, the actress seemed to awaken from a trance-like state, startled by the crowd around her. “Apparently she thought she was at Pirate’s Cove, a popular spot for nude sunbathers back in the eighties,” said deputy Lee Searles. “I can understand an elderly person getting disoriented like that, but public nudity has been against the law in L.A. County for years.”

When Ms. White was informed of the anti-nudity ordinance, she reportedly made no effort to cover herself and, instead, removed her Spanx bottoms and incited the crowd to disrobe in an act of civil disobedience. “She was going on about how the human body is a work of art and should be celebrated,” said Laura Torres, who was vacationing with her family from Pleasantville, Michigan. “I was appalled and embarrassed. My boys are home-schooled, so I was hoping they wouldn’t see anything like this until they were well into college.”

Other witnesses were inspired by the feisty octogenarian’s call to action. UCLA sophomore Geoff Beauchamp said, “My buddy and I were ready to get naked, but more cops started coming, so we chilled out.” Officers on the scene said that, other than a few catcalls and lots of picture-taking, the crowd was well-behaved. As Ms. White was lead away in handcuffs, two female students were cited for flashing their breasts in support of the multiple Emmy winner.

Industry insiders speculate as to whether or not the event was staged to promote White’s comedy series, “Hot in Cleveland” which airs on TV Land. Producer Lou Fleishman who worked with White on NBC’s “The Golden Girls” said, “Betty’s a team player and a real trooper. She’ll do whatever it takes to promote a show. Unfortunately, I think some young exec probably took advantage of her enthusiasm.” But others insist that this is the real Betty White. Rachel Dratch, who performed on last season’s episode of “Saturday Night Live” that White hosted said, “I can totally see Betty doing that. She was braless at most of the rehearsals and did some crazy stuff at the after party. I’ve got the pictures to prove it.”

Regarding any photos or videos taken by onlookers at the arrest scene, Stan Evanston, Ms. White’s longtime attorney, has an ominous warning. “If any compromising footage of my client ends up on YouTube or any other website, we will pursue the persons responsible with extreme zeal. You don’t f— with Betty White.”