ATLANTA, GA – Executives at the Coca Cola, Inc. are fuming after someone in the company leaked the soft-drink’s secret ingredient!
Sources at the Coca Cola Company say that one of its employees emailed the secret recipe to an online newspaper without their consent.
Well if you haven’t guessed by now, that online newspaper was the Weekly World News, and the secret ingredient… human spit!
Though people have been speculating about Coke’s secret ingredients for years, few could have imagined it would be human spit! But according to a disgruntled Coca-Cola employee, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, Coke has been using human saliva in their products for years.
“They import all their spit from Peru,” said the source, “because they said Peruvians have the tastiest spit.”
According to anthropologists, the indigenous people of Peru have been using spit to make drinks for centuries. Mazato, a carbonated beverage made by fermenting human saliva, is a staple in the Peruvian diet. Experts say it was the inspiration for Coca-Cola.
Here’s a video of the Coca-Cola being made on site:
“We get the spit in huge vats,” said the employee. “Then we mix it with carbonated water and food coloring. Add a little corn syrup, and there you have it. That’s how Coke is made.”
When asked why he wanted to leak Coke’s secret recipe to the public, the employee said he was retaliating against the company because they fired him without severance pay.
“I spent 20 years of my life working for Coca-Cola,” said the employee, “and they didn’t even have the decency to pay for my last two weeks. I wanted to get back at them somehow, and I thought this would be the perfect way.”
Since its very inception, the Coca Cola Company has taken extreme measures to keep their secret recipe out of the public’s hands. It keeps the original formula, which was created by John Pemberton in 1886, locked inside a pressure-sealed vault at the company’s headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia.
Though federal law requires that Coke print a list of ingredients on the back of every bottle, the company has been able to safeguard their secret by calling the ingredients “natural and artificial flavors.”
However, if the Coca-Cola Company is held accountable for fraud under the Food and Drug Act, it will have to include the ingredient “human spit” on all of its labels, a move that economists say will “cripple product sales.”
In an online poll conducted by the Coca-Cola Company, 88% of soft-drink consumers said they would not drink a beverage if they knew it contained human spit.
“I don’t care how good Coke tastes,” said Diana Rinehart, an Atlanta-based attorney and former Coke drinker. “I’m not drinking anything with loogies in it.”
Added Rinehart, “It gives the term ‘backwash’ a whole new meaning.”