LONDON – Scientists have created a Superchicken that doesn’t spread bird flu, is faster than a speeding bullet and can bend steel with its beak.
The Superchicken is here! Scientists finished creating the genetically-modified bird last week. It was originally intended to prevent the outbreaks of avian influenza which lead to millions of birds being culled, but —
…scientists were shocked to discover that Superchicken had super-bird powers.
“Superchicken can fly faster than most supersonic jets, he can lift fifty thousand times his weight,he can speak one hundred and seventy-five languages and when he drops an egg, it’s lethal,” said chief genetic engineer, Dr. Thomas Hillstrom.
The British team behind the GM chicken said that they followed rigorous safety checks when creating Superchicken. “We never expected Superchicken to be anything but a bird to help fight avian flu,” said Dr. Lakenstein, who with his assistant, Gregor, spent over three months making Superchicken in his basement.
Superchicken has already rescued four women who were about to be raped in Hyde Park in London, over the last week. “This ugly bloke grabbed me around the throat and was dragging me into the bushes, when Superchicken swooped down and pecked a hole in his head. He picked up the attacker by the collar and carried him off to Scotland Yard,” said Fiona Cox of Hampshire.
Criminals all over Great Britain – and around the world – are running scared. “That’s one nasty chicken,” said J-Zo Paco of Amersterdam. “I was just minding by business in my meth lab and all-of-a-sudden, this crazy chicken busts through the door and grabbed me by the throat. I unloaded my 9mm into him, but it had not affect. That damn chicken is bullet-proof.”
Police in England are trying to come up with a way for citizens to call for Superchicken when they are in distress. Many have suggested that the citizens carry a little chicken pendant around their necks and if they get in trouble just push the button and… Superchicken will appear.
Scientists are working on creating a second Superchicken, but Dr. Lakenstein doesn’t think he can duplicate his work again. “I don’t know how I did it. I will be impossible to recreate.”
But he will keep on trying. In the meantime, when you are in trouble… call Superchicken!