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3 METHODS FOR RESURRECTING THE DEAD


Follow these three easy methods to bring your loved ones back from the afterlife.

For almost everyone on earth, death can be a painful and difficult experience with which to cope. Now that we live in a world with DNA sequencing, cloning and the web, one might begin to wonder how we can use these tools to get our loved ones and influential leaders back.

Well, look no further; here are three methods to help guide you on your way to resurrect the dead.

Scientific Method – DNA and Cloning

Many scientists have been exploring the possibilities of using DNA sequencing and cloning to revive the long since departed. The main thing that one would need in order to accomplish this method is a biometric identifier. Hair is an excellent source and can be harvested from even the oldest of corpses.

After the DNA has been extracted you will need to find a lab willing to perform the cloning process. This may prove challenging as many governments have a strong opposition to human cloning. My recommendation would be to head over to China. They will pretty much do anything for the right price.

The only potential draw back to this method is that it is still unclear exactly how much the newly resurrected will think and act like its DNA donor. Many speculate that although the lab generated twin will be biologically identical, it may not have any of the memories or mental capabilities as its predecessor.

Internet Method – Artificial Intelligence

In order to accomplish this method you will need to script an algorithm specifically geared towards scouring the web for data about the deceased. It should use much of the same fundamental scripting associated with a web crawler, also known as spiders, web bots, ants, miners and dossier deerstalkers.

This script will need to gather all the available data on the deceased allowing you to create an online version of the departed. These little scavengers will visit countless web sites gathering the data and returning it to a central repository of your choosing.

Depending on how much information is available online will dramatically affect your results. However, this method will only bring back the mind of the person. But ultimately we view each other based on our thoughts and less on our appearances, right?

Religious Method -Spiritual

Many religions have varying takes on the process of resurrection. Almost all religions feel that God can raise people from the dead and that a select few earthly beings can actually perform the act.

WWN was actually able to track down one of these powerful prophets. Listen to what Melissa Fischer, professional resurrector, has to say about one of her initial experiences with resurrecting the dead.

If you decide to attempt any of these methods, be careful, there are many consequences that accompany raising the dead. It is commonly thought that bringing back the deceased will cause another random being to die, as life and death are part of a delicate balance within the universe.

Also, the newly risen may turn against you as they sometimes feel that they were better off dead, especially suicide victims as they usually did not enjoy life to begin with.  Most importantly, it may offer up more attention than you care for. If anyone gets wind of your achievement, the press will surely come knocking at you door. And trust me, WWN will be first in line, I guarantee.