LOS ANGELES – Rachel Zoe, fashion stylist and Bravo reality star, is having a boy! And she’s going to feed him like a caveman!
“When I found out I was having a son, I changed my eating habits immediately. I want my tiger to be strong and, of course, lean,” Zoe revealed to reporters.
Zoe’s trainer, supplement mogul Bob “The Giraffe” Gilmore, explains, “Men need protein to build muscle even inside the womb. I told Rach, ease off the grapefruit and pumpkin seeds. Your boy needs strength. He’s a hunter-gatherer. Think bison, wild game, that sort of thing. She needs to be eating the fast-moving, low-fat percentage mammals. Much like herself!”
According to sources at the Hollywood Reporter, Zoe has been sending assistants around to grocery and specialty shops all over the L.A. area in search of meat that is either “no fat” or “the lowest possible fat count from here to San Bernardino.”
She even requested an “all-meat juice cleanse.” At press time, assistants were still trying to track down a hip, yet reliable source for meat juices. Apparently, butchers at East L.A.’s Rancho Meat Market were willing to puree “whatever she like,” but they didn’t have cute cups or matching straws.
Zoe, who will turn either 40 or 44 this year, and her husband Rodger Berman are delighted about starting a family. “This pregnancy has really changed me. I mean, I cried for the first time in eight years last month. And it wasn’t even a big deal. I had to fire this poor soul from Missouri. She just didn’t have it. She didn’t have taste. She didn’t have the look. She really had nothing. Well except for an extra twenty pounds. But anyway, I cried after I fired her. What is that all about?”
Zoe continued, “For the first time in my life, I feel ready to take a break and focus on someone other than myself. Of course, I’ll be back in time for the Spring 2012 collections in September. New York. Milan. Paris. London.”
Friends of Zoe have been speculating about the boy’s name for months. Word is that the name is very fashion-friendly. In December, an inside source leaked that “Jean-Paul Valentino” and “Versace McQueen” were the main contenders.