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6,000 YEAR OLD WINE


WASHINGTON– Archeologists have unearthed the oldest wine-making facility in Armenia.  The dry red vintage is about 6,000 years old.
Archeologist uncovered the oldest stash of wine in the world.  The excavation took several months and the crew celebrated the find by – drinking all the wine.

Archeologists around the world were livid to learn that the wine had all been drunk.  “The American archeologists can’t control themselves,” said John Comito, chief archeologist for the American team.

“Look we found it, we identified it, recorded all the necessary facts and then… we celebrated.  What’s wrong with that?!” said Comito

This is the world’s oldest known installation to make wine,” Gregory Hayes of the University of California Los Angeles, who helped lead the study, said in a telephone interview.

Carbon dating showed a desiccated grape-vine found near a wine-press was grown around 4000 BC, his team reported.

This makes it 1,000 years older than any other wine-making facility discovered, the team from Armenia, the United States and Ireland reported.

The team found the world’s oldest leather shoe, about 5,500 years old, at the same cave complex last year.  They also found something that looked like a 4,000 year-old Slinky.   It was made by the Armenians, who are now suing the Slinky company for all the profits from the “stolen” idea.   There are rumors that a 4,550 year-old Etch-A-Sketch may also be in the excavation site.

Irish officials have lodged a formal complaint with the Obama Administration about the wine.  “Our archeologists tried to get a few sips and the Americans just hogged it all.  They were so rude and obnoxious,” said Finlan O’Toole of the Irish Archeology Association.

“Let the Irish get drunk on beer.    We’re more sophisticated in America.  Wine is our thing,” said Comito.

“The rich red wines produced were merlots and cabernet sauvignons.  We drank them all and didn’t get a headache the next day.  Guess they knew what they were doing back then.” said Comito.