NEW CANAAN, CT – Glenn Beck announced yesterday that he will be taking his controversial talk-show to China – permanently!
According to inside sources, Chinese media giant CCTV offered Glenn Beck a $3 billion dollar/year contract to move his show to China.
“We believe the Chinese people will embrace Beck’s love of government and respect for authority,” said Jin Yao, VP of Social Relations at CCTV. “He is an expert fearmonger and a skilled propagandist. The People’s Republic of China can only benefit from his scare tactics and fanaticism.”
Representatives from Glenn Beck’s television show, The Glenn Beck Program, say that the deal has already been finalized, and that Beck and his family have already purchased a home in Beijing.
“Glenn Beck is excited for the move,” said Alexandra Dumascis, Beck’s publicist. “He can’t wait to take his political extremism overseas and help the people of China become patriotic, red-blooded Communists.”
“He’s already brushing up on his Mandarin!” she added.
However, not everyone at Fox News shares in Beck’s excitement.
“Glenn Beck is a hypocrite,” said Fox personality Sean Hannity. “He’s violating all of his principles by selling out to China. How can he call himself an American?”
Others were less subtle.
“Glenn Beck is a Commie!” said Bill O’Reilly. “I always knew he’d betray his country sooner or later. All it took was the right amount of cash.”
“Glenn Beck, you are a disgrace to America!” added O’Reilly.
According to police reports, thousands of fans from across the country have taken to the streets in protest.
“We want to let Glenn Beck know that he’s a disgrace to American conservatism!” said Wendell Yastrimski, who organized a protest outside of Beck’s Connecticut home. “He’s a sell out and he should be ashamed of himself!”
Glen Beck refused to comment to major media outlets about his decision to defect. However, he did make a private call to the Weekly World News office to explain his motives.
“$3 billion dollars is a lot of money,” said Beck. “You’d have to be a complete idiot to turn down that much dough. The American people can complain all they want, but the truth is: I’d sell my soul to the devil for $3 billion bucks!”