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CEILING LIGHTS RELAY INTERNET DATA


ST. CLOUD, Minn. – Flickering ceiling lights relay internet data and cure migraines, but they cause seizures.

Flickering ceiling lights are usually a nuisance and often cause distress for the individuals being subjected to them, but in several city offices in St. Cloud, they will potentially be a new avenue to the internet.

The new LED lights produced by LVX System, a local start up in the St. Cloud area, will send data to specially equipped computers on desks below by flickering faster than what is noticeable to the human eye. Researchers have found that the technique eases the congestion of many wireless networks with the use of this short-range communication system. Little did the researchers realize that the pattern and speed of the flashing lights has helped to suppress migraines for several individuals as well.

“It was a great side effect of the new technology that we have been developing,” said Dr. Pinto Felking, one of the lead developers on what is now being called the Transmitoplex System.

The first generation of the Transmitoplex System will transmit data at speeds of about 3 megabits per second, roughly as fast as a residential DSL line.

“We are looking forward to lower costs and improve productivity with this new method of internet delivery and we love the idea that our employees can no longer fake migraines to get out of work,” said Bradley Barnsteiner of a local municipality that will be employing the new system.

However, the flickering lights have not been without a few adverse side effects. Some individuals in the labs have gone into epileptic seizures as a result of the flickering frenzy of lights.

“This is a tough decision for many governmental offices. Many of our employees are continually calling in sick for work claiming to have migraines all the time. With the advent of this new technology we are excited to see an increase in employee productivity. But at the same time we cannot insight epileptic seizures on other employees either,” said office manager Susan Metfield.

Government officials are currently weighing the pros and cons between less WiFi congestion, less employees calling in sick and increases in epileptic seizures to determine if the new information delivery system can be justified.