BREAKING NEWS! Senator McCain has asked for the Friday debate to be delayed so he may “focus on the economy”. But insiders tell Weekly World News it’s just a cover-up to hide his secret leg-lengthening surgery!
“I won’t be dwarfed by a Democrat!”, candidate declares.
Republican presidential hopeful John McCain has issued a tall order to his medical staff — he wants to add 5 inches to his height so he won’t look like a shrimp in the debates beside his Democratic rival, Barak Obama.
McCain, who stands 5 feet 7 inches, is painfully aware how puny 5-foot-6-inch Michael Dukakis appeared during debates with 6-foot-2-inch George H.W. Bush during the 1988 campaign.
“Dukakis lost that election because he was shorter than Bush,” McCain told an aide. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to me when I have to go face-to-face with Obama.”
Barak Obama stands an impressive 6 feet 1½ inches tall, and McCain feels if he can get to 6 feet, he’ll be able to nullify the height advantage.
McCain has arranged to undergo a pioneering operation, in which the patient is stretched on a special bed for three hours a day while his bones are injected with calcium. The procedure induces a growth spurt like the one many people experience during adolescence.
“McCain is extremely fearful that basketball-loving Obama will challenge him to a game of one-on-one,” says a campaign worker. “With their present height differential, McCain would get his head handed to him. It might be enough to tip the balance in Obama’s favor in a close race.”