EASTONVILLE, CO – 3D TV Glasses have permanently cured one man’s lazy eye.
Benjamin Cartwanker, Media Specialist at the Eastonville Library, recently made a purchase that not only fulfilled a childhood dream but also cured a life long affliction.
Earlier in the month Cartwanker treated himself to a 55″ 3D 1080p LED TV to celebrate his 35th birthday. “I had always dreamed of watching television in 3D at home, ever since I saw Captain Eo back in ‘86 at Disneyland. I never dreamed it would change my life!” exclaimed Cartwanker.
After several weeks of non-stop 3D television marathons, Cartwanker noticed a change in his appearance. His strabismus had finally been cured. Strabismus commonly referred to as cross-eyed, wall eyed, spaggy eye, cock eye, lazy eye, droopy eye, loose looker, a Sammy Davis Jr., a Columbo, or a Johnny Scrubber is when one eye moves normally, while the other points in a completely wrong and awkward direction.
“My Johnny Scrubber always made me feel self conscious and I could never meet girls,” said Cartwanker, “but now, now I’m a new man.” Cartwanker is so confident that he has actually gone out on a date and he even popped the question to a lucky lady.
Benjamin Cartwanker, everyone at WWN wants to wish you the best of luck in you new life with fiancée Betty Boomheimer and, yes, Bat Boy would be honored to be your best man.
“My stepson to be, Timmy, has a Johnny Scrubber too. Little tyke reminds me of when I was a kid,” said Cartwanker as he tried to hold back tears. “I’m just glad that he can live in a world where you can see a man being punched in the face with fish in 3D and where a loose looker doesn’t force you to lament life.”
Cartwanker and his family plan to seek Best Buy’s Geek Squad for all future medical advice. “If the Geek Squad could fix Benji’s eye, there’s no telling what they can do for us all,” said Betty, “especially my little Timmy. God bless the Geek Squad, everyone.”
Best Buy declined to comment on any new medical based business ventures.
PHOTOS by BOY MACK