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THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS WAR


SUFFERN, NY –  The battle of the Christmas Lights has turned ugly in one gated community.

What started out as a friendly way to express the joy of the holiday season has turned into a costly incident.

Several members of a small gated community near Suffern, NY began their holiday season as any other by stringing bright multi-colored lights around their homes and planting robotic reindeers on their lawns. However, as often is the case, the tradition turned into a battle of one-upmanship between several dozen homes in the community of Elite Acres, ultimately resulting in a city wide black out.

“We knew something was going on,” stated George Benson of the neighboring gated community, Snobsville Gardens (pronounced snohbsville), “every night the glow from Elite Acres kept getting brighter and brighter.”

On December 20, there was just one inflatable snowman too many causing the entire city to go completely dark.

“When all the lights went out we didn’t know what to do,” said Gene Williams, “I mean what are you supposed to do without the internet or TV? Read by candlelight or talk with your family? No way, this is not the 19th century!”

The black out lasted for several hours causing city wide looting, rioting and panic.

“I was so frightened when the rioting broke out,” said Taressa Simons, “I immediately took the kids to our panic room until I got the all clear. I tried to get my husband to come too but he said that nothing was going to make him miss his Monday Night Football.”

Today the town looks as if it were something out of a war torn state. Windows are broken, charred cars are turned over and several Bennigan’s and Chili’s restaurants have been stripped of all of the tchotchkes from their walls.

“A bunch of us from the Dress Barn went to eat at Chili’s on Rt. 17 for lunch like always and we were shocked to see that all that crazy stuff on the walls was gone. It just wasn’t the same,” said Cindy Bakersfield, “I hear that they even took the stuff off of the walls from the Chili’s across the street.” Chili’s is extremely popular with the citizens of Suffern.

The National Guard has been brought in to help maintain order while city officials try to determine if the community of Elite Acres should be charged for the enormous monetary loss that the city incurred.