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JOHN THAIN: ALIEN!


UPDATE: John Thain’s push for $10 million bonus is possibly orchestrated by aliens!

As previously reported by Weekly World News, John Thain is widely believed to be an alien at the center of an intergalactic conspiracy to bleed Earth’s financial institutions dry. This accusation has only been further substantiated after Thain’s demands for a $10 million bonus for 2008.

Apparently, Thain believes he deserves the money after diverting Merrill Lynch from an even bigger financial meltdown. Do these extraterrestrials have no shame?

September 15, 2008
NEW YORK, NY – During his career, Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain earned the nickname “I Robot” for the mechanical and emotionless manner in which he carried out his instructions.

Many co-workers suspected that Thain merely resembled a human in appearance only and that behind the button-down shirt, hard-wired circuitry allowed him to perform his duties without giving rise to feelings.

Nearly everyone agreed that John Thain is not a people person.

Shocking evidence released today reveals that John Thain is not even a person.

The photo received by Weekly World News was taken in the early morning hours of September 12th, the same day that the heads of the Federal Reserve and the US Treasury moved to calm fears about the financial health of the country.

While Fed Chief, Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Paulson called for new regulatory powers to shield the economy from the collapse of Wall Street firms, John Thain was deep in discussion with the UFO alien about the future of his firm Merrill Lynch.

Recent events now suggest that Thain is not a robot but in fact an alien at the center of an intergalactic conspiracy to rob Earth of vital minerals and financial institutions.

Stay tuned for additional news.