SALEM WITCH ARRESTED

SALEM, MA – A Salem woman has been indicted by federal agents after posting a poisonous apple pie recipe online!
According to police reports, the recipe for the ‘poison apple pie’ was posted on the popular recipe sharing site, “Epicurious.com,” where it was viewed by approximately 25,000 people.

After last count, 1,200 people across America have been admitted to hospitals with toxic poison related symptoms, and over the past three days, over 25 people have died due to what medical experts are dubbing, “the poison apple pandemic.”

Patients were administered to the hospital with complaints of sharp stomach pains, frequent nausea, and projectile vomiting. In most cases, doctors found excessive amounts of cyanide in the victims’ bloodstreams.

“I felt queasy after the first bite,” said Cassandra Jackson, a bank teller from Minnesota. “I was having terrible stomach pains and starting to feel dizzy. I must have passed out, because I woke up in the hospital, hooked to a bunch of tubes. The doctor told me I was poisoned and that I could have died! I had a feeling it was from the apple pie.”

The poisonous apple pie recipe, which was posted by a user named “Matilda,” looked at first glance like any other apple pie recipe. It contained sugar, butter, flour, cinnamon, and apples. But the online recipe listed a special ingredient that packed a deadly punch – Distilled Apple Seed Oil. This seemingly harmless oil is made by extracting the juices of crushed apple seeds. But here’s the deadly catch – apple seeds naturally contain cyanide, the deadly toxin used to kill rats!

Police have since identified and detained the woman responsible for posting the poisonous recipe online. Her name is Broomhilda Potter, and she was arrested early yesterday morning in a Salem reptile store, trying to buy an ‘eye of newt.’ Lucky for us, a Weekly World News photographer was able to snag this shot:

Gruesome, we know. But hold onto your magic wands, readers, because the situation gets worse. Police have advised the Weekly World News that the prisoner has since escaped and is on the run. Now they’re asking for your help to capture her. They said to be on the lookout for a woman in black gown and a pointy hat. She may or may not be riding a broomstick. She was last seen in the woods, trying to lure two German children into her hut so she could bake them into her pies.

If you have any information on the escaped prisoner, or know of possible ways to capture her, please call the Witch Stoppers Hotline at 1-800-NO-WITCH.