SAN FRANCISCO – New evidence of Bigfoot’s existence: he was spotted inside a San Francisco gay bar!
The 7ft tall mythic creature was seen bumping and grinding to Lady Gaga songs at Harvey’s, a gay bar in San Francisco.
There have been many rumors surrounding Bigfoot’s existence, but his recent spotting at a trendy gay bar marks the first time that animal experts have had to question his sexuality.
“I knew Bigfoot was real,” said Bill Tyson, leader of the Bigfoot Field Research Organization in Santa Clara. “I just didn’t know he was gay. I guess it makes sense, though. He does take wonderful care of his hair.”
Regulars at Harvey’s gay bar said that this was not the first time a “tall, dark, hairy stranger” was seen sipping martinis at the bar.
“I had no idea that was Bigfoot,” said Thom Fink, a regular at Harvey’s, “I’ve seen that guy here before. He’s got some of the best dance moves in the club. And did you see the size of his feet? You know what that means!”
According to descriptions from eyewitnesses, Bigfoot walked into the gay bar wearing a wearing a Dolce & Gabbana halter top and spandex leggings. He then proceeded to go to the bar and order two “Fuzzy Navels.” After that, Bigfoot allegedly got up on stage and lip-synched a flawless rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”
The last time bystanders saw the mythic ape of the forest was around two o’clock in the morning, when Bigfoot is alleged to have left the club arm in arm with another large, hairy creature.
“Oh yeah, that was just Jerry,” said Mr. Fink, referring to Bigfoot’s new arm candy. “He looks like Bigfoot, kind of smells like him too.”
The Abominable Snowman, the first openly gay ape-like creature, told reporters that he was proud of Bigfoot’s decision to “come out of the forest.”
“This is a huge step for gay rights,” said the Abominable Snowman. “I mean literally. It’s a huge freaking step. We’re talking about Bigfoot here!”