REDMOND, WA – Bill Gates announced that the technology used to make the Xbox Kinect was created by an aliens.
Aliens are getting into the gaming industry… and MicroSoft has signed them all up!
“The software used in the new Xbox connect did not come from this planet,” said Gates in a press release. Gates told reporters that he hired a team of extra-terrestrials to design the motion-controlled technology used in the Xbox Kinect.
The Xbox Kinect works using a series of voice and motion activated sensors. The lenses monitor the position of the user in space, while the microphones respond to voice commands and vocal instructions.
“The technology is too advanced to be from this planet,” said Vince Alamonte, a professor of software engineering at Tucson State University. “The Kinect’s motion control system is way too sensitive to be designed by a human being, and the new infrared projectors just couldn’t have been built on planet Earth. We don’t have the technology.”
The Kinect’s unique multi-lens design tracks 48 parts of the human body in three-dimensional space. Users have the ability to control games by moving their heads, hands, torsos, knees, and feet.
“It’s the perfect way for aliens to spy on us,” said Alamonte. “Now they can keep tabs on us day and night. Every time you turn on your Xbox, they’ll be watching.”
Allegations have already surfaced stating that the Kinect contains serious software malfunctions. Several users registered complaints with the Microsoft Corporation, claiming that their Xbox Kinect units tried to probe them in their sleep.
“That’s what happens when you ask an alien to do a man’s job,” said Bill Brigsby, a self-professed alien hunter from Roswell. “You give an alien any piece of technology, and he’ll find a way to stick it up your butt. It’s just what they do. That’s why half the proctologists in America are aliens.”
According to the Center for Extra-terrestrial Life, a Cleveland based alien research group, the Xbox Kinect is not the only piece of human technology that has been designed by aliens.
“The Xbox Kinect joins a long list of devices that have been designed by aliens but used by humans,” said Janet Sherman, the group’s leading scientist. “You also have the microwave, the portable DVD player, and the underwater camera. Oh, and rectal thermometers. That one’s pretty obvious.”
As of press time, Bill Gates has yet to decide whether or not he is going to recall the roughly 1 million Xbox Kinects that have been sold so far.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a phone interview. “I really shouldn’t even be talking about this. They said I couldn’t tell anyone or they’d kill me. Now that the word is out, I’m afraid they might be coming for us. If I were you, I’d cover my butt and get the heck out of here!”