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WAL-MART CITY


ARKANSAS -  Citizens of the Razorback State voted “yes” on a state proposition that will permit the construction of Wal-Mart City.

The Arkansas proposition that just passed on Tuesday authorizes the establishment of “Wal-Mart City,” a real-life township governed entirely by the Wal-Mart Corporation. It passed with 99 percent of the vote and 100% of smart shoppers.

According to Arkansas Senator John Boozman, the new city will replace Rogers, Arkansas, the site of the first ever Wal-Mart, and will possess its own government, police force, and standing army. Here’s a sneak peek of the new Army uniforms:

The idea for “Wal-Mart City” came from none other than Sam-Walton, the multi billionaire and founder of the Wal-Mart franchise. According to Walton and his team of developers, the city is designed to be entirely self-sufficient, complete with its own school system, post office, library, and hospital – all of which will all be staffed by Wal-Mart employees.

“Wal-Mart City will be just like any other city,” said Norman Toledo, principle foreman of the Wal-Mart Development Company.  “The only difference is – everything in our city will be supplied by Wal-Mart, which means that it will probably fall apart after 15 minutes of buying it.”

Opponents of “Wal-Mart City” cite the project’s enormous start-up cost as a potential drawback to the plan. Early estimates project the construction of the new city costing upwards of 10 billion dollars.

Sam Walton guarantees that all citizens in Wal-Mart city will be happy… “and if they are not happy, we will make them happy!  There a big smile hanging over this city!”

Plans for the city include the erection several places of worship, including a Wal-Church, a Wal-Synagogue, and a Wal-Mosque. Officials are even planning to open a Wal-Mart University, where students will learn how to become door greeters, janitors, and incompetent electronics salespeople.

The city will be centered around what developers are calling a “Super Ultra Mega Wal-Mart,” a multi-purpose super-store where residents can buy everything from groceries to used cars. According to developers, the building is projected to span 175 square miles, and will even contain its own bus and subway systems.

“Woo-hoo! I love me some Wal-Mart!” said Bobbie-Joe Denver, a supporter of the local proposition and soon to be resident of Wal-Mart City. “Now I can buy my wife’s tampons, get my diploma, and have my dog groomed all in one place! It’s like a dream come true!”

In other voting news, residents of California unanimously voted against a referendum that would have renamed the state “Googleopolis.”