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THE ZIPPER BOAT


OSAKA -  The Japanese have developed a new military ship…. The Zipper Boat.

The Japanese recently introduced a  new state-of-the-art maritime self-defense ship called The Zipper Boat.   Japanese naval engineers have been developing the ship for the last ten years.

“It looks deceptively simple,” said U.S. Navy Commander, Robert Rinderman, “but it’s actually the most sophisticated Naval ship developed since 1980.”

The ship was designed to look like a zipper so that attacking naval ships would overlook it as some sort of gimmick.  It was also built to discourage pirates from trying to come aboard.  “The ship is basically pirate-proof,” said Rinderman.   Apparently, if someone  tries to board the ship, the zipper quickly slides down and slams itself against the heads of the attacking individuals or teams.

The Zipper Boat zips through the water at speeds up to 175 knots.   The Zipper can ride low in the water or ride high on top of the water.   In tests last year, sometimes the zipper got stuck in the “down” position, but Japanese engineers fixed it and now it is all zipped up.

The Japanese have had a treaty with the United States for the last 50 years, with the U.S. agreeing to defend Japan if they were ever attacked in Asia.   But now, with The Zipper Boat, the U.S. Navy might not be needed.  “We hope to make over 5,000 Zipper Boats by the end of the year,” said Japanese Defense Minister Toshimi Kitazawa.   “With the Z-boats, we will no longer need any help from the U.S. Navy to defend ourselves.”

The Zipper Boat will be operated by Japanese Robot Sailors, all female.  “We trust female robots more than male robots,” said robotic engineer, Taka Uzeko.

Here’s a video of The Zipper Boat in action: