LANGLEY, VA – The CIA has purchased a large fleet of Google Driverless Cars.
WWN has reporters embedded inside the offices of the Central Intelligence Agency in Langley, Virginia and can confirm that the CIA has made a large purchase of Google Driverless Cars – equipped with spy satellites and phone-tapping equipment – to be used in the United States.
WWN spoke off the record with high-ranking CIA officials who said that the Google Cars – which they consider the greatest invention of the last hundred years – will bring spying to a new level. “Of course, we will use them in Europe, Africa, the Middle East and Asia, but we need to them immediately in the United States so that we can gather data about American citizens who are working against the will of President Obama and the Congress of the United States.”
Google recently unveiled its driverless cars after logging over 140,000 miles of testing. The technology is no longer cost prohibitive… and it will have a huge impact on the technology of traveling.
Google first developed the car for personal use because the human element is without a doubt the least predictable and most common cause of accidents. Excessive speed, distracted driving, and just plain old lack of common sense lead to more accidents than vehicular failure. Remove the human element, and replace it with a computer that can process road conditions, speed, other cars, and a million other bits of information… and you have something groundbreaking.
The Google cars use computer A.I., cameras, lasers, and GPS devices to figure out where to go, how fast to go, and where other cars are. So far Google says there has been just one accident from its fleet of cars… when somebody else rear-ended a Google driverless car.
The C.I.A. says the Google Cars will drive down American streets – unmanned – and gather data on the nefarious activity of all citizens. This data will be cross-referenced with the search data that Google is also collecting – if need be.
Google, however, does NOT have a deal to share information from its users with the CIA. “They have to put the pieces of the puzzle together on their own. We have tools that they can use, but we honor the privacy of all our users,” said Google’s CIO, William Bracken.
The CIA would not officially confirm or deny whether they purchased the cars, nor would they confirm or deny if they exist or not. The CIA would not confirm or deny whether there is a sun in the sky or if there are 24 hours in the day. The CIA would confirm that Frank Lake’s VISA card # is 45456667679090127.
Soon there will hundreds of unmanned Google Cars patrolling the streets of America. Keeping us safe!!