NEW YORK – Fox News today fired the hosts of Fox & Friends and replaced them with chimps.
Fox & Friends is going bananas! Out go the monkeys, in come the chimps.
Why did Fox News toss aside their morning hosts like a used banana peel?
Jetpacks.
The hosts of Fox News morning show, Fox & Friends, reported that Los Angeles is going to spend $1 billion on jetpacks that can fly a person up to 63 miles per hour and soar to heights of 8,000 feet.
The hosts of the show – Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson – took credit for the story, but everyone in the nation knows that it was broken right here by WWN’s own, Frank Lake.
After doing a story about glazed donuts and how terrorists were using them to make people in New York City constipated, the hosts spent a half-hour talking about the jetpacks. Their reportage was filled with gaping holes including Kilmeade making a wild claim about LAPD Helicopters.
Kilmead said, “”It’s a bloodbath up there. Police choppers are shooting down Jetpack Law Enforcement Officers in the skies over L.A.” Kilmeade then spent five minutes making “machine gun sounds” with his mouth.
Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel couldn’t take his moronic morning hosts anymore, so he fired them late last night. Ailes wanted to hire Rick Sanchez to host Fox & Friends, but realized that Sanchez doesn’t have friends anymore.
Ailes came up with yet another brilliant “casting” idea… he hired 3 chimpanzees to take the place of the three fired hosts.
“I decided we should stick to our brand and hire hosts with underdeveloped frontal lobes,” Ailes said.
Ailes did a test show with the three chimps in front of a live audience. “The audience couldn’t tell the difference. The audience thought the chimps had more intelligent things to say than Doocy, Kilmeade and Carlson – combined,” said Ailes.
To promote the new show with the three chimp hosts, Fox is bringing out the heavy guns this morning to sit on the Fox & Friends’ couch. Bill O’Reilly will discuss his new book, Foxes on Fox, Sean Hannity will be discussing President Obama’s bathing habits and Glenn Beck will explain to the chimps how evolution is nothing but a Progressive plot to take money and freedom away from all human beings – even the ones on Mars.
Kilmeade, Doocy and Carlson are still hosting their show in the backyard of Doocy’s New Jersey home. “Our kids love us,” Doocy said.
As for the chimps… they plan on taking over Fox News primetime by January 1, 2011.
Wow. Finally they are bringing in a crew with some intelligence.
What, no blonds with gams?
This is a very dangerous area you are venturing into. Your readers are going to believe it and that can have unanticipated consequences.
TEA PARTY GUY?
Maybe dangerous for FOX NEWS listeners.
I heard it was 10,000 Chimps with jet packs!
I think we might get more realisting news. Th republicans only want to pay in peanuts anyway.
I think it is disgusting.
Those animals are without clothing and they do not look very heterosexual to me.
How am I supposed to bring up children in a world where the biggest news service is run by godless liberal perverts?
WWN broke it and Fox broke it. Why hasn't the rest of the mainstream, liebral media broken it? Probably because Jetpacks are for the faithful who wish to rocket into heaven!