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BEDBUGS TAKE NIKETOWN


NEW YORK, NY -  Bedbugs have taken over Niketown, and are heading for Shoetown!

The Niketown store was under siege by bedbugs, effectively shutting it down. NikeTown workers ran out of the building covered with red bed bug bites.  “Thousands of bedbugs came out of the walls and dropped down from the ceiling.  It was horrifying,” said Melissa Jones of Queens.  “We tried to fight back, but there was just too many of them. There’s no way any of us are going back in there.”

Ten workers were taken to local hospitals and are being treated for injuries from falls and for the numerous bites.  “These are serious bites.  There were a few dead bedbugs in the clothing of some of the victims. This is a very deadly strain of bedbug.  Everyone should check their beds, their ceilings their walls,” said Dr. John Malley of Lenox Hill Hospital.

The 95,000-square-foot flagship sporting goods store in Manhattan is one of many businesses in the city who have had to close their doors in recent months due to a bedbug attacks. Niketown is located on East 56th Street.  Executives said that they do not have any idea when the store will open again.  “It’s up to the bedbugs. They don’t seem like they’re leaving anytime soon,” said CEO Martin Rivera.

“Our primary concern is the well-being of our consumers and sales associates,” Nike stated. “We are making plans with the NYPD Swat team to storm the building in a few days.  We want to take back Niketown.”  However, bedbug expert, Mary Hillstrom, said that the chances of the NYPD succeeding in their bedbug raid are slim.  “Once they take a building, they never give it up.  Niketown is now BedbugTown.”

Bedbugs have been spotted in a Hollister clothing store, a theater, office buildings, the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, and the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office.  There are rumors that Bedbugs want to take over all the major structures in Manhattan.  “They want to challenge Donald Trump for the biggest owners of real estate in the city.  I think one day they’d like to see Trump Tower renamed Bedbug Tower.”

Be on the lookout for bedbugs. If you see one, there’s a thousand more nearby, so… run!!!