HALIFAX – Tiny cows are being bred to be slider meat.
The Guinness World Book of Records recently named the world’s smallest cow. It’s a sheep-sized bovine named Swallow from Rishworth near Halifax. It measures roughly 33 inches from hind to foot.
After reading about the mini-cow, bovine entrepreneur and cattle farmer Chuck Childers of Waco, TX had a brilliant idea. Since sliders – small, soft and irresistible little burgers served by the half dozen – are becoming popular across America, he thought that he should breed tiny cows to make tiny burgers. “It just hit me one night like dung on a dog. If you wanna make a small burger, you gotta use a small bovine. Makes sense, don’t it?”
Childers went to Halifax and learned more about Swallow from her handlers. “That Halifax cow is real special. I loved seeing her. I’d love seeing her even more on my plate next to some of my wife’s special Texas grits.”
There was a time when Americans were put off by the idea of eating a quick sandwich filled with a warm ground beef patty. Americans used to want big, beefy, double-triple burgers, but not anymore.
“We are entering a new Golden Age of The Burger,” according to Josh Popperski, Burger Expert. “The last great invention in the history of the burger was when Hank Stoller of Des Moines mistakenly dropped a piece of cheddar cheese on the burger he was grilling. His wife scolded him for being a klutz, but still ate the burger and… the rest is history.”
White Castle has been making “sliders” for decades, so it’s a bit strange that they are just catching on nationally. “I ain’t never been in no White Castle,” Childers said. “All I know is that people want to eat six small burgers instead of one big burger. Maybe because people are more health consciousness these days. I don’t know. I just want to capitalization on the trend and breed me some slider cows.”
Others Texans are not happy about mini-cows being bred in the Lone Star State. “This is Texas! We don’t do tiny cows ’round here,” said Tommy Jessup of San Antonio. “Everything is bigger in Texas!”
“Not anymore,” said Childers. “If Jessup wants something big, he should come look at my bank account in a few weeks. I’ll be swimming in Slider Cow money!”
Childers has been busy breeding miniature bulls with miniature cows for the last few weeks. He hopes to have some Grade A slider meat on your plates in about ten months.