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GOOGLE INTRODUCES BRAIN CHIP


MOUNTAIN VIEW – Google introduced a search chip that can be implanted into human brains.

On Wednesday, the search giant, Google, introduced the Google Brain Chip.  This is a chip that users can implant in their brain that will search the internet the moment you think of something.  The chip has the power to find information even before a user knows he or she wants the information.

“It’s psychic,” said Stig Hansson, a senior hardware engineer at Google.

With the new chip, as soon as a user thinks about something the chip will immediately search the web and return a result.  For example, if you wanted to find a sushi restaurant in Chicago, you would immediately be given ten selections without ever touching a computer.  “Your friends will think you are a genius, and you are… with Google’s help,” said Hansson.

The introduction of the Google Brain Chip means that individuals will no longer need PCs, Macs or tablets. “These devices are primarily used to access the internet and download content,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt. “With the Google Brain Chip, you don’t need to buy any hardware at all. The human brain is the hardware, we provide the chip and you are… a genius.”

Google plans on offering free download dumps with the purchase of the Google Brain Chip.  “You’ll be able to download every history book ever written.  We’ll put it on the chip and you will instantly be smarter than every history professor in the country.”  If you want to know everything about science, English literature or art, you’ll be able to download all the available data onto your Google Brain Chip.

Some fear that the Google Brain Chip will eliminate the need for the educational system.  “Why would you need to go to school and stress your brain by trying to memorize data, when you can just download it all in five minutes?  The It is true that the Google Brain Chip makes most primary, secondary, college and graduate schools obsolete.  “You can download everything there is to know about internal medicine in the morning and be seeing patients in the afternoon,” said Schmidt.  “This truly frees man from the limiting constraints of his human brain.”

To have the chip implanted in your brain, you just have to make an appointment with your local doctor or computer technician.  They will use a pneumatic gun to shoot the chip into your brain just behind your ear.  It only takes about a five seconds.

Some skeptics are worried that Google will take advantage of this chip technology and use it to control people’s minds.  Schmidt dismissed these fears and said “we’ve been controlling people’s minds for the last seven years.  It’s only a matter of time before we have a chip in every brain.”

The Google Brain Chip.    You know you want it…