TURKEY – In a new study of sexual behavior, scientists have concluded definitively that fat men are better in bed.
In an extensive scientific study done at Erciyes University in Kayseri, Turkey, it was determined that fat men last longer in bed, while lean gym jocks are prone to premature ejaculation and impotence.
According to the study, men with excess body fat develop more female sex hormones that influence their sexual performance. Men with high fat levels were found to have higher levels of the female sex hormone oestradiol, which disrupts the chemical balance in their body, making them last longer during sex.
One four hundred pound man, Savio Bari lasted six hours before climaxing. His wife, Mariska Bari, reportedly enjoyed the sex, but she later died from complications of a crushed ribcage.
The survey’s results found fat men could last an average of 7.3 minutes during love-making, while their skinnier counterparts only lasted 1.3 minutes. Male politicians only lasted 0.9 minutes.
Researchers spent a year recording the body mass index (BMI) of more than 500 patients referred for specialist treatment. They compared these results with 500 other male patients who lasted longer during sex.
Results concluded that the men needing treatment for premature ejaculation had lower BMI scores, meaning they were fitter. “We found that premature ejaculators were leaner,” the report stated. “Men who go to the gym a lot look good, but they are terrible in bed.”
Women in Chicago and Los Angeles confirmed the results of the study. In anecdotal reports, women who dated men that frequented Muscle Beach in Venice, California were unsatisfied with their sexual partner. “Todd has great abs and pecs, but he’s done before I get my skirt off,” said Cindy Barker of Santa Monica. Women who hung out with men that frequented Dunkin’ Donuts were much more satisfied. “Joshua had five double-chocolate donuts and he was going for five hours!,” said Maura Macon of Evanston, Illinois.
The scientists in Turkey were not surprised. “If men would just stop going to the gym and eat more junk food, they would have happier and healthier sex lives.”
The problem is that women are not typically attracted to obese men. But scientists in Turkey have come up with a solution: “We recommend that women have sex with the lights off and fantasize about fitter men. We also recommend that they get steel reinforced beds.”
It’s not clear yet if obese women are better in bed than fitter women. Scientists are still looking for male volunteers to have sex with morbidly obese women. If interested, contact WWN and we will put you in touch with the Turkish scientists…. It’s not over until the fat lady screams.