HOLLYWOOD – John Cusack forms satanic cult to rid the planet of “GOP welfare freaks.”
Actor John Cusack went on a Twitter rampage Sunday evening, attacking former House Majority Leader Dick Armey, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and Fox News. He tweeted, “I am for a satanic death cult center at Fox News HQ and outside the offices of Ordick, Armey and Newt Gingrich and all the GOP welfare freaks.”
Cusack got his wish when the Council of Satanic Death Cults (CSDC) announced today that they would be forming a Death Cult that will serve under their new leader, John Cusack. Grand Dragon Cusack said, “I am honored that the CSDC thought I was evil enough to lead this council of 1,000 proud demons and bedwetters. I accept. I vow to serve with dishonor and disrespect.”
Cusack has long been outspoken about politics. He supported Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election and has contributed to The Huffington Post, but this is the first known time he has stooped to the level of making threats. This pleased Lord Demon Michael Moore of the CSDC said, “We are proud that John has decided to join our circle of celebrity demons, which includes Rosie O’Donnell, Mel Gibson, and Bugs Bunny. Yes, Bugs is on our side.”
The Council for GOP Welfare Freaks (CGWF) has countered by forming an Angelic Life Cult that will seek to bathe Cusack and his Death Cult Demons in “beautiful, white light,” according to its new leader, Carrie Prejean. Prejean has sent several white doves over to Cusack’s house as a means to “show that we are people of peace.” Cusack immediately bit off the heads of the doves and then tossed them into the Pit of Cusack Fire – a raging eternal flame that he had installed in his basement (the CSDC will meet in the flame every Wednesday).
Fox News has formed its own John Cusack Fox News Cult (JCFNC). This JCFNC will ridicule Cusack on a daily basis and will give Cusack plenty of air time to destroy his own career.