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CALIFORNIA TO TAX TATTOOS


SACRAMENTO –  A desperate California legislature passed a bill to tax every tattoo on every California resident.

In his remaining months in office, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger continues to try to find new and innovative ways to keep the state from going completely bankrupt.  His latest idea was passed overwhelmingly the state legislature:  taxing tattoos.   This is not a tax on purchasing tattoos, nor is it a tax on tattoos parlors.  This is a new state fee that must be paid for every tattoo that a resident has on his or her body.

Schwarzenegger dubbed it:   The Tat Tax.

“There are 37 million residents of California.  We estimate that about 25 million residents have tattoos and many have them have over ten tattoos on their body. We are sitting on an ink-mine that will help put the state back in black, or in color if you prefer,” Schwarzenegger said.   “For every tattoo that a California resident has, he or she  will now have to pay the state $50 a year, every year.  If a person has ten tattoos, that would be $500 a year, every year.”

“With over 75 million tattoos on California residents, at $50 a pop, we can bring in $3.75 billion annually,” said State Controller Susan Berwick.  “And it’ll be easy to enforce.  If you have a tattoo, you can’t hide it. We’ll find you, and you’ll pay.”

State Senator, Chan Wee of Oakland California said, “We’ve taxed cigarettes, liquor, and everything else that we consider vices.  Tattoos are not vices, but they can be addictive, so we might as well tax them in the same manner – as a way to save people from this addiction.  We are also looking at taxing piercings, surfing and skateboarding. Those all can be addictive.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger does not have a tattoo, though there are over 50,000 California residents that have the Governor’s likeness tattooed on their backs, breasts or butts.  Some cynics in Sacramento suggested Schwarzenegger get the words “Epic Fail” tattooed across his forehead.   Those cynics were last seen on the Santa Monica Pier.

The State legislature also passed a bill that required every California resident who does NOT have a tattoo – to get one.  “If you’re in California, you need to have a tattoo.  If you don’t have a tattoo, we will provide one for you.  Our residents will love having the California state flag on your chest,”  said Berwick.

Kat Von D and Jesse James will be spearheading an ad campaign promoting the new Tat Tax.

California will be voting to legalize marijuana in November and that should bring in about $1 billion in revenue for the state.  Some state lawmakers think they can double that amount because “stoned people are easily duped, so we can probably double the tax and they won’t even know it, especially if we give them free pizza first.”