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MISS MEXICO WINS, DEPORTED BY SHERIFF JOE


LAS VEGAS – Miss Mexico was crowned Miss Universe and soon after was deported by I.C.E.

Jimena Navarrete, a 22-year-old from Guadalajara, Mexico won the Miss Universe pageant last night, after donning a flowing red gown and telling the audience it’s important to teach kids family values.

Navarrete was first to answer an interview question Monday night and the last contestant standing in the headline-grabbing pageant on the Las Vegas Strip.

From flags to Facebook, 22-year-old Jimena Navarrete has made it clear what she plans to promote as the world’s newest Miss Universe – her home country of Mexico. “I want the whole world to know about my country and my people,”  she said after beating 82 competitors for global bragging rights.

That comment caught the attention of the Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano, who immediately dispatched an I.C.E (Immigration and Custom Enforcement) team to talk to her.  Sheriff Joe Arpaio drove up from Arizona to help out.  “I don’t know how she got into the country, but I’m going to enforce immigration laws and if she doesn’t have a birth certificate on her, she’s outta here.”

Navarrete, wearing her crown, was posing for world photographers when she decided to drape herself in a Mexican flag.  That’s when I.C.E. agents stormed into her dressing room.  Navarrete didn’t know how to answer the agents who kept screaming, “Show us your papers! Show us your papers!”  She clearly didn’t have any papers in her skin-tight bikini, so Sheriff Joe stripped Navarrete of her crown, cuffed her and took her into a back room for further questioning.

Meanwhile, the people of Mexico were going crazy, extremely proud that a Mexican woman had won the prestigious pageant.  She is the second miss Universe from Mexico. Lupita Jones won in 1991.

“Her triumph is a source of pride and satisfaction for all Mexicans, who see in her the fruits of perseverance,” Mexican President Felipe Calderon said in a statement. Immediately after her win, Calderon said on Twitter that her victory would help Mexico’s image as a country.

Not for long.

“Long live Mexico, Long live Mexico!” Navarrete shouted as she was dragged away from the Las Vegas Strip.  She was cheered by Spanish-speaking reporters, who were then also arrested by I.C.E.

“Every country has the right to impose and enact their laws,” Navarrete shouted to reporters, still wearing her new sash and tiara while being shoved into Sheriff’s Joe’s jeep. “But I tell you that all the Mexicans that are living here in the United States are hardworking people – people who want to improve on their quality of life.”

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona arrived in Las Vegas to help with the “swift deportation” of Navarrete through Arizona.  “She’s just another Mexican woman who has taken a job away from an American!”  Governor Brewer then placed the Miss Universe crown on the head of Miss USA, Rima Fakih.

“Viva America!, Viva America!”  shouted Jan Brewer as Navarrete was whisked to the border.

On another note, aliens from Planet Zeeba were once again disappointed that their chosen woman, Zorgak, did not win Miss Universe.  “She glowed in her bikini, but it wasn’t enough to beat Navarrete,” said Judge Bret Michaels.