WAYNE, NJ – New Jersey Housewives are out-of-control. The war is on. They’re going to the mattresses!
Danielle Staub was fired from the “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” Teresa Guidice has filed for bankruptcy and Carmela Soprano has left her husband Tony!
Danielle Staub, the villain of the Real Housewives of New Jersey was fired by producer because she made a sex tape, had a public lesbian relationship with Lori Michaels and had an unapproved boob-job revision. She also had her Mafioso friends threaten the other Housewives with baseball bats and brass knuckles, including Ashley Manzo, who was kidnapped by Staub and had her hair completely shaved off.
Caroline Manzo heard about “the shaving of Ashley” and has gone completely ballistic. “If you do something to my daughter, you do it to me. I will get revenge. Danielle will regret the day she ever laid a finger on my daughter.”
Meanwhile, Teresa Guidice has filed for bankruptcy, and celebrated by going on a wild shopping spree. She spent 60,000 in three hours. Her lawyers were stunned when they heard this, but her husband Joe was the one that took action. He sent his “boy” over to get her, rough her up and bring her home, where Danielle Staub was waiting to give her a beat-down.
And the big news was that Carmela finally decided to leave her husband, Tony. The Soprano family was eating at a local diner when Carmela’s lover walked in an confronted Tony. That man, Sal Provenza, was not seen again, but his body parts were found in Texas, Louisiana and parts of Florida. Tony hit the roof when he found out that Carmela was leaving him and he blamed it on Danielle Staub, “that f**cking bitch started talking crap to my wife. She talked her into doing this. I’m gonna get that whore. She’s dead. Dead!”
Teresa Guidice blames Tony Soprano for her bankruptcy. “He told my husband he would have consistent work for him, and then the c**ksucker took his business elsewhere. Soprano is a-hole. My husband’s going to take care of him. Count on it.”
So Soprano has declared war on Staub and her Mafioso friends, the Guidice Family has declared war on the Sopranos, and Staub has declared war on everybody. Caroline Manzo is focusing on one hit. What is happening to the women of New Jersey?
Snooki and JWoww, also from New Jersey, but not yet housewives, want to get in on the action. They feel left out. They’ve sent The Situation and Pauly D up to Bergen County to “cause trouble.” Asked how he was planning on doing that Snooki said, “where’s the nearest tanning salon. I’m losing color, I’m losing color!”
WWN advises all NJ women: be on the look-out for the Housewives. There will be blood…
Here was a look at season 2 of The Real Housewives. You want to be part of that?