LAS VEGAS – Jesse James had a date with Kat Von D. She went ink wild on him.
The Ink and The Stink, as locals were calling the duo had a lovely dinner date at the Palms Casino Resort’s N9NE, making sure that everyone in the hotel saw them together holding hands and kissing. Jesse James, the motorcycle mogul, whose divorce from Sandra Bullock was finalized in June, tried to be coy about his dinner with Von D, but when he stood on his chair and shouted, “I’m dating Kat Von D!” patrons were convinced they were on a date.
The couple sat real close in a cozy booth, with their arms touching – tattoo to tattoo. The two shared the restaurant’s signature rock shrimp and classic Caesar salad. They also both enjoyed the filet with a side of asparagus, and drank Fiji water with dinner. Before dessert they snuck into the ladies’ room together, did a line of coke and popped some Xanax. Jesse then slammed his fist into a stall door, just for fun.
Jesse James’s representatives said even though Kat Von D was the only one on the planet that defended him and his affair with Bombshell McGee, they actually met on eHarmony. “They’re compatible on 27 cosmic levels and they both like pork,” said James’s assistant, Rosie Blanton.
After dinner Von D took Jesse back to her room and spent the night tattooing his body. Hotel employees, who are sworn to secrecy, said that Von D and James did not have sex, but he did experience a lot of pain, “which really is how Jesse likes to have sex anyway,” a close friend of James’s said. Kat went “freestyle” on James, just tattoo-ing everything except his face. “I usually don’t tat a guy’s face until the second date.,” Von D said.
When Sandra Bullock was told about the date between Von D and James she simply said, “Who?”
Rumors that Jesse James is trying to get Sandra Bullock have not been confirmed or denied by Bullock, but James told WWN reporters that he thinks Bullock would be a good mother for him and would help guide him in the future. He is appealing to the courts to have his official status changed from “adult” to “child.” According to court watchers there is a good chance that the judge will approve the change and James will be certified… immature.
Jesse James is trying to revive his career with a second season of “Jesse James is a Dead Man,” but he had already accomplished his goal in season 1.
Kat Von D. and Jesse James announced that they are planning to have a nasty public break-up in three months. The paparazzi are waiting…