BEVERLY HILLS – Plastic surgeons across the city have confirmed a serious Botox shortage. There’s fighting in the streets!
Women in Beverly Hills, and across Los Angeles, were in a panic over the weekend when it was announced that there was not enough Botox to last through this week. “We won’t be able to inject anyone with Botox for at least nine more months,” said acclaimed plastic surgeon Gregory Hayes. Screams were heard as far away as Sydney.
Allergan Pharmaceuticals, the major supplier for the Botox in Los Angeles, had an explosion at their main factory in Westport, County Mayo in Ireland. All Botox in the factory was destroyed. It will take at least nine months to get the factory up-and-running again and it may be several more months before Allergan can once again meet demand.
“I get injections in my forehead ever four months, what am I going to do?,” said a concerned Anne Warbash, 39, who was being consoled by her husband. “I won’t be able to go to work anymore. Everybody thinks I’m 28. I’ll be completely exposed!” When WWN told Anne that we were going to publish her real age, she destroyed our cameras and punched Frank Lake in the face. Luckily, there was a plastic surgeon nearby.
Several desperate Beverly Hills women have taken matters into their own hands. Their have been a number of break-ins at plastic surgeon offices across the city. “Women are stealing the remaining supply of Botox. We had seventeen break-ins just this past weekend,” said Officer Blanton of the Beverly Hills Police Department. Some other women are just attacking doctors on the streets, demanding to be treated. Like this woman attacking Dr. Ralph Carson of Wilshire Plastic Surgeons:
There are a number of men who are feeling anxious as well. “I haven’t told a soul, not even my wife or mistress, that I get Botox injections. Now what am I going to do? I might have to go to Brazil or Colombia to get my injections. This is a real tragedy.”
A lot of big donors to President Obama’s election campaign are big Botox users. They have appealed to the President to see what he can do to get more Botox into L.A. “We know there’s that oil spill in the gulf and a couple of wars going on, but… this is real life. This is Hollywood. We need our Botox!,” said an unnamed brunette actress who used to be on Friends but now stars in Cougartown.
Robert Gibbs announced that the President is returning from his weekend in the Gulf to handle the Botox Disaster. “We hope to get enough Botox in L.A. by next week.” Robert Gibbs later admitted that he, too, uses Botox. “It gets rid of my worry lines.”