LONDON – In a stunning move, Queen Elizabeth has given up her crown to… Queen Latifah.
Queen Elizabeth II has grown tired of all the British pomp and pageantry, “the royal bullshit,” as she calls it, and has announced that she will be giving up her crown. She is the third longest ruling monarch in the 1,200 years of British History. She was crowned Queen of the United Kingdom and Head of the Commonwealth on February 6, 1952. And now… she’s done. ‘I’m bloody sick of it all.”
Queen Elizabeth’s son, Prince Charles (62), was the heir apparent, but the Queen didn’t want him to be King. “He’s a wanker. I don’t want him anywhere near the crown.”
Queen Elizabeth shocked her British subjects when she announced that she has officially adopted Queen Latifah and officially disowned Charles. Queen Latifah will be flying to London with her long time partner, Jeanette Jenkins, who is happy to be an official Princess. They recently attended the wedding of Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz and were vacationing in nearby France. Prince Charles is now looking for work as a shepherd in Northern Ireland. Prince William and Prince Harry are both ecstatic about the switch. Prince Harry said, “I’m down with it. The new queen is as… bad as a mutha.”
Queen Latifah made a deal with Queen Elizabeth to turn the crown over to Prince William when he turns 35 in 2017. In the meantime, Queen Elizabeth has recently got into hip-hop and rap and wants to “give that a go.” She feels comfortable rooting for the “Jersey Nets’ and is working on her first hip-hop album with her band, The E Crew, entitled, “Union Jack and Coke.”
Queen Latifah I is planning on having a blow-out bash at Buckingham Palace on September 2nd. Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Alicia Keys and 50 Cent will all be performing. She is requesting that David Cameron step down as the Prime Minister and is pushing for Russell Brand to take over. She also replaced the Buckingham Palace Guards with a hip-hop dance squad, called The Queen’s Gs, but they still will change at noon every day.
Queen Latifah’s first speech to her subjects was one word: Unity.