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STEVE JOBS INTRODUCES THE IPORN


CUPERTINO, CA -  Steve Jobs “freedom from porn” statement caused a firestorm in the tech world, so he created the iPorn.

Steve Jobs is proud that both the iPad and the iPhone give users “freedom from porn.”  Jobs believes that the iPad and iPhone gives users the benefits of the internet without “the dark side.”   “It’s all about freedom, ” Jobs said.  “Freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. “

But tech guru Leo Laporte had an interesting anecdote on his series “This Week in Google.”  If you watch the clip, which can be found here (Episode 51), you will hear Laporte telling co-hosts Gina Trapani and Jeff Jarvis that while “there’s no porno in the world of Steve Jobs…  that’s not my direct experience of Steve in the past.”

Hmmm… what does Leo know? Gawker is putting together a wonderful bribe package that is certain to get Leo to spill even more beans.

Jobs has been getting flak about “imposing his morality” on users and has gotten into heated debates,  particularly with Ryan Tate of Valleywag .

SO, Jobs decided to create the iPorn. This is a handheld device solely made for porn users and aficionados around the world.  “The iPad and iPhone are for good, respectable citizens.  The elites among us that are brilliant, highly educated, and… precious.” Jobs took a breath and continued, “but I do understand that there are people who engage in low-brow, sinful behavior and Apple should meet their needs as well. “

When pressed by WWN, Jobs did acknowledge that the majority of people using the internet are, in fact, looking at porn and did admit that he himself  had spent over ten thousand hours looking at porn on the internet.  “Hey, that’s why they invented it, right?”

Jobs gave his speech to a room full of Adult Video stars, who stood up, stripped naked and applauded – some were screamers.

Jobs got excited at this point in the presentation and picked up his new handheld device. “We quickly created the iPorn, which is a device that is ONLY for pornography.  There will be NO useful information on it whatsoever:  no nes, no politics, no blogs, no e-commerce, no books, no magazines… it’s all porn, all the time, baby.”

“We just keep trying to delight and surprise our users,” Jobs told the porn-loving crowd.  “With the iPorn users can carry pornography around with them all day and use it wherever and whenever they want.”   An Apple slogan for the iPad is “it just feels right to hold the internet in your hands.”   Jobs has modified the slogan for the iPorn:  “it just feels right to hold porn in your hands.”

The iPorn will be available at Apple Stores on August 15th.  The lines are already forming with 25,000 people lined up at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue.   If you build it…

Another winner for Apple!!!