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Jehovah’s Witnesses Go to New Extremes

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Weary from pounding the pavement for hours a day only to have homeowners shut the door in their faces or not answer it all, Jehovah’s Witnesses will start toting bullhorns to ensure their message is heard.

Kingdom Halls across the U.S. rejoiced at the directive issued by leading Witness elders last week.

“We look at the bullhorns as an emergency tool needed to spread the word of the Lord,” said 18-year-old Ronald Plimpton. “Maybe the residents didn’t hear the door knock because they were in the bathroom or working in the basement.”

Several sociologists fear these extreme actions by the Jehovah’s Witnesses may prompt other institutions and groups to resort to similar methods. “We may see the Britannica salesman or Avon lady utilizing a handheld microphone in the near future,” says Dr. Clarence Simolt.

“I don’t plan to use them,” said door-to-door salesman Mickey Jones. “When you have something people want, there’s no need for noise.

Mr. Jones sells earplugs.