BREAKING - The U.S. Department of Interior Obama released a second Chupacabra today, this time into Texas.
Last week WWN reported that President Obama had ordered his Administration to release a Chupacabra into Arizona as a way to “encourage” Arizonans to repeal their new illegal immigration law. READ the full WWN report on the Arizona Chupacabra.
Governor Jan Brewer, however, and the majority of Arizona residents still support their new law and are steadfast in protecting their state. “President Obama can release any monster he wants into Arizona. I have my rainbows ready to fire.” said Sedona resident Tyler Moonbeam.
John Morton, the director of the nation’s immigration enforcement agency says states should not follow Arizona’s lead and enact strict new immigration laws because ridding the country of illegal immigrants is the federal government’s job.
The release of the Chupacabra into Texas surprised Governor Rick Perry who has recently expressed concerns over the Arizona law and has publicly stated, “I do not feel it is the right direction for Texas.” But Governor Perry is confident that the law enforcement officials in Texas are more than capable of handling the mysterious creature. “Most of our citizens have guns. So they’ll be able to defend themselves against any creature, especially goat suckers. We can whoop any goat sucker’s ass!” Former President George W. Bush is not as confident. An aide to the former President said, “George has been hiding under his desk all day. He’s really scared. We can’t even get him to give up his binky.”
Once called the “Bigfoot of Latino culture,” there have been many stories about these unidentified animals. Chupacabras are said to kill livestock and tear them to pieces and are often portrayed as a cross between a dog and a wolf. Animal Control Office Buddy Spackler got a glimpse of the Chupacabra as it was running up Highway 360 in Grand Prairie, Texas, heading for the Lone Star Tea Party offices. “All I know is, it wasn’t normal. It was ugly, real ugly. I’m not going to tell no lie on that one. I wouldn’t let my dog crap on him!”
Ugly or not, many across the Lone Star Stare are planning on having a Chupacabra Barbecue. “We’ll gut ‘em and grill ‘em,” said Floyd Wood of Plano. “I got me some special Chupacabra sauce ready to put on ‘em.”
Robert Gibbs explained the White House’s rationale for releasing the Chupacabra into Texas. “Look, we need to stay in front of this issue. Texas borders Arizona and we can’t have them adopting a similar law. We have to stop the states from enacting laws that we here in Washington don’t like.” When Gibbs was told that Texas does not border Arizona and that New Mexico was in between the two states, Gibbs simply shouted, “Teabagger, Teabagger, Teabagger!”
Chupacabras are known to be aggressive, vicious, and deadly. Federal Authorities are encouraging all Texans to keep their doors unlocked and to keep food outside in open containers to attract the creature.
Learn more about the Chupacabra: